Aligning What We Want With Who We Are

Who are you?
Changing something about your life without knowing who you are is like trying to get to a destination without knowing where you are. You can't do it.

We're made up of ideas and beliefs and values that blend together and represent our lives. They tell us how to behave, how to work, how to think; basically how to live.When we have an idea that something's not right and we begin to think about change, we can easily get sidelined (sometimes through desperation) into pursuing change that fits more with someones life other than our own.

How does this happen?
Let's say your weight's started to creep up a little and it's affecting your life, negatively. You decide you want to lose some weight. Great. So what do you do? Maybe you had success on a particular diet before, or you go online and see what's knew and quick in the weight loss arena.

You find one you think you'll like, buy all the specific foods, join a gym so you can do the workouts, and you get started. Fantastic. The first couple of weeks go well, and you've actually dropped a few pounds. This is working!

However, in the third week, you find you're motivation lagging, your enthusiasm for the workouts waning, and you start to crave what you used to eat. You cheat a little on the diet, start skipping some workouts, and begin to get down on yourself. What happened?


Aligning your goals with your values
Usually when we decide to act on something we go in feet first without using our heads. We don't take the time to really examine why it is that we want something, and we fail to look beyond the obvious: 'I need to lose weight, so I'll diet and go to the gym.'

Simple? Not really.

Let's say, instead, that you sit down with yourself and go through the question and answer process that we discussed in the previous post. What did you find out?

You hate the gym; you hate all the fit people prancing around, showing off their bodies; and you despise the thought of showing up there. Secondly, you really miss all the good food you were eating, and when you thought about it, you really do eat healthy food, you just need to cut back a little and remove the junk.

Through your analysis, you discovered that the weight gain was do to stress at work. Food became an elixir when exercise would have been a better choice. Which, by the way, you prefer to do outside, alone, in nature. It brings you peace.

So what values can we take from this exercise? Easy. You value good food and exercise as a way of life; you value health; you value nature; and, you value time for yourself. Now take this information and build a weight loss program, based on YOUR values, lifestyle, and capabilities, and take control.

Motivation pulls us either toward or away from something. The key to successful change is finding out what is truly motivating your desire for change, and building a plan that fits your life--not some imagined life.

Plant a Seed and Watch it Grow

When we plant a seed in the ground, we don't walk away and expect a flower to grow. We nurture it, feed it, water it, watch it, and, ultimately, if our actions are right, we witness the fruit of our efforts.

When we plant a seed in our minds (a thought or idea) like, 'I'd like to lose weight, be fit, have more self-confidence, more energy . . . ', we tend to think on it for a while, maybe come up some sort of formula for action, then walk away expecting the seed to take care of itself. It won't. Only conscious planning, analysis, and consistent action will grow your idea into a fruitful endeavor.

Before you can begin to move towards your goal, it's necessary to know (specifically) what it is you want. This is vitally important for success. If you don't know what your want, say, beyond losing some weight, your project will end there. (As you probably well know.) You need to spend quality time with yourself, preferably in a quiet space, so you can really dig deep and ask some important questions. Write down the answers. It's important to have a reference to help you stay on track.

Become a nag: Pepper yourself with questions
When you begin to ask yourself the deeper questions, something wonderful happens. You become consciously aware of your true feelings and emotions. Here's where it gets fun. Become that annoying little kid that never stops asking questions. Ask yourself a question, such as, 'What  do I really want?' Write down the answer, then immediately fire off another question. This will propel you deeper into your desires, driving the discovery of yourself below the surface.

For instance: Your first response to the question might be, 'I want to lose weight.' Now ask yourself why? This forces you to go a little deeper. You might answer, 'Summer's coming and I want to look good.' Keep going, this is where the magic takes place, and, unfortunately, it's where most people stop. Ask why that is important to you. Answer that and continue to ask more how, what, and why questions. Soon you'll be closer to the real reasons for your desire to lose weight. And, from there, you can start to build a solid plan.

In the next post I'll discuss how to align what you've discovered to your core values. Then we'll take that tiny little seed and make it flourish.

The Power of Goals

Life is never what it appears to be, so having specific goals and a solid vision of where you're headed (your radar) will help you correct any circumstance that tries to blow you off course.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned is that nothing in life is permanent. But as long as I have a clear focus and a goal, I can stay on course no matter what. When life gets in the way, instead of giving up, I change course--shifting, adjusting, or adapting to a situation in order to stay afloat.

I usually have a clear idea of the number and types of workouts that I want to do each week. And, I'm very aware of the purpose of those workouts: interval workouts will build my cardiovascular endurance so that I can enjoy my longer bike rides and hikes, and resistance training will strengthen my muscles, decreasing fatigue and workload when I'm out on my adventures. But sometimes life gets in the way, and I have to make other plans.

I recently had a spontaneous weekend away, and instead of postponing workouts until we got back, I decided to improvise a little. I had planned a weight workout for Thursday night, but since we would be on the road, we got up a little earlier Thursday morning and did a short, intense, interval bike ride before work. Friday night was supposed to be a longer bike ride, but instead, we took exercise bands with us and did an intense, twenty minute, full-body workout in the hotel room before a day of shopping.

It was important for me to stay on schedule with my workout plan; I had a goal and remained focused. With a couple of modifications and adjustments I was able to stay on track, and instead of feeling guilty for passing on the workouts, my body and mind were grateful.

Remember, a change in plans doesn't mean failure. It simply allows us to use our creative skills to adjust our course and navigate towards our vision. Staying connected to our goals gives us power and options when life gets in the way.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
--George Bernard Shaw

Who's Benefiting From Diet Plans? Not You!

Guess what? Fad diets, cleanses, and programs that stray too far from the norm simply don't cut it when it comes to permanent lifestyle change. The only ones benefiting from these diets are the commercial enterprises that create and sell them. "Dieting is a multi-billion dollar industry. Our constant failure is their success.

Why Don't Diets Work?

Why don't they work? Because they don't address the basic model for behavior change. Let's face it, we all live in the real world with real temptations, stresses, and time constraints. Diets don't teach portion control and balance while eating real, whole foods available to us every day. If we don't learn how to function in the real world, we're doomed to repeat that all-too-familiar dieting cycle each time we "end" a diet.

What happens when you finish a diet plan? You've stuck to your diet, reached your goal weight, and . . . now what? Where do you go from here? Right back to your very real subconscious beliefs that constantly pull you in the wrong direction. Let's say that the "diet" was super low cal, devoid of carbs, and deprived you of every goodie you love: chocolate, wine, artisan breads . . . . Need I go on?

Commercial diets may help you drop the weight, initially. But they are missing a vital ingredient that is crucial to long-term, weight management: Permanent behavior change. You need to train your mind and body to behave around food in the very circumstances that make you weak, eventually changing your core beliefs about food.

The only way to change bad habits around food is to create new, positive behaviors that eventually become permanent ways of being. This teaches you how to cheat occasionally, recover from bad days, and love food for its beauty and nourishment, not as a quick psychological fix.

We've all heard the saying, "It takes twenty-eight days to create a new habit." Well that's true because, when we consistently think, act, and become our new behavior, it becomes fixed in our brains and bodies. New neuronal connections are formed and strengthened over time (with repetition), solidifying the new behavior, making it automatic. This is how we change.

What Do You Want?

Ask yourself what you really want? Is it to continue with yo-yo dieting: losing and gaining, losing and gaining for the rest of your life? No one wants that. I'm making an assumption here, but I would think that most people who have suffered with food and weight management simply want stability. I did.

My dream was to stop obsessing over food. I wanted to enjoy and be grateful for beautiful food, eat healthy, and learn to think of food as fuel my body instead of my emotions. I've fulfilled that dream, and so can you.

Any diet plan that takes you away from normal daily life will fail in the long run. Consistent practice in the basics of healthy, food choices (which means you can eat anything), portion control, and an active lifestyle will not only teach you how to live in the real world, but will change the way you think and react around food. You will learn to love and appreciate good food, and you will be in control of your weight, for life.

You deserve it!

How Does Failure Affect Permanent Weight Loss?

I was thinking about failure today, and the further I ventured into the topic, I realized that most of my successes are a result of failures. Had I not blown so many diets over the years, I would have missed the opportunity to learn how to love and respect food. Failure taught me to live in harmony with food and to stop using it as a drug. Failure taught me to consistently look within myself to find the answers to my addiction. Constant trial and error evolved into a healthy cycle of failure and growth and failure and growth. . .

The concept of failure is a major contributor to our negative belief systems. We learn early on that to fail is bad. To fail at something is embarrassing, and leaves us wide open for ridicule. I believe that most of the judgment comes from within. Most people admire others for trying.

When struggling to lose weight, many people give up right at the moment of failure. For some, failure means the end. There's no turning back or picking up where they let off. It's final. Our negative beliefs about ourselves play the same old tapes over and over . . . "I'm no good, I'll never succeed, I'm weak . . ."

The problem with this fixed mentality is that it validates those ugly beliefs and strengthens them even more. So, each time we have a setback, we're convinced it's hopeless. We stop trying anything new because we'll inevitably fail.

The real failure is the refusal to learn from our mistakes. Failure comes in many shapes and sizes. And, everyone has a different perspective on what constitutes failure. Some consider having a piece of chocolate cake a failure, especially if they've just started a new diet. I used to. But now I look at it as simply being human. I've learned to choose my words carefully, too. Enjoying one piece of yummy, delicious chocolate cake for a special occasion is, perhaps, a blip, a minor setback, or maybe even a treat, but not a failure.

The concept of failure is just another one of our crappy self-defeating beliefs that we can change over time. Failure is an inevitable part of our growth and success. It's a golden opportunity to move beyond what we know.

Why Awareness is a Vital Step in Behavior Change

In the last post, I introduced you to the concept of awareness. Now let's look more closely at why being consciously aware of our behaviors is so important to your weight loss efforts.

Awareness gives you the power

You can't control your behavior, therefore, your life, if you're not aware of what you're doing. When you become present, your thoughts, actions, and behaviors are controlled by your conscious mind, not the subconscious beliefs that run the show when you're not looking. And, let's face it, most of the time we're not looking. When you slow down and become aware of your thoughts and behaviors, you're better equipped to create new, healthy behaviors and make them stick.

Here's how it works. Let's go back to our donut example from the previous post. Instead of grabbing the donut and unconsciously wolfing it down, I pause for a second. The fact that I pause means I've moved into a conscious way of thinking. I've temporarily stepped out of my subconscious programming. Yay!

Now I ask myself, 'Do I really want this and why?' My answer: Yes, I want it. Because it tastes sooooo good, and will make me feel darn good right now. As soon as I eat the donut dopamine will flood my brain and I'll feel fantastic, for a mere second. Who am I kidding . . . ? Bingo--wrong reason to eat a donut, although I can't really think of a good one.

'Am I hungry?' Answer: No. I just ate breakfast. How can I be hungry?

Hmmmm, and finally, 'How will I feel right after I've eaten this donut?' Answer: Not good. I'll feel guilty and angry and ashamed and my day will be ruined. I'll be cranky and miserable and starve myself for the rest of day. Interesting, all of the things my subconscious mind desperately wants me to feel so that it can validate all those negative beliefs I've had since childhood: I'm a failure; I'm stupid; I don't deserve happiness; I feel bad. . . . Well, I'm simply not playing that game.

Guess what? After all that, I don't want the donut anymore. My coffee's ready, and I'm going back to my desk to enjoy it and feel good about myself.

After years of using this simple weight loss technique, I rarely follow through on the initial temptation.

Now, that's not to say that I never cheat or fall victim to cravings and temptations. I do. But through consistent, conscious effort over the years, my internal belief system says that I no longer need food for instant gratification. Through regular practice, I've changed my brain. More on that later!

If I, a recovering anorexic and bulimic, can do it, so can you. Give it a try. Like anything, the more you do it, the better you get. (I'll explain why in later posts.) Your goal is to make it a subconscious way of being, so that you no longer have to think.

The First Step to Weight Loss Success: Become Aware

We run on autopilot for ninety-five to ninety-nine percent of our day. We operate on pre-programmed (usually negative) beliefs systems that run in the background (our subconscious) and they determine who we are and what we do. The only--and I repeat--ONLY way to change our subconscious beliefs and take control of our lives is to consciously create new lasting behaviours. How do we do this? Well, the first step is to become aware.

What is awareness?

Awareness is simply being present wherever you are at the moment. When we become aware we move from a subconscious to a conscious state. We pay attention to and control our thoughts and reactions to our environment. Here's the best part: when we operate from a conscious state of mind, we can't operate from a subconscious state, which puts our automatic responses and behaviors on hold.

Let me ask you this. If our subconscious mind is a million times stronger than our conscious mind, and it runs ninety to ninety-five percent of our day, without our consent, is it any wonder that we can't seem to change our behavior?

Here's an example: I'm in the kitchen at the office making a cup of coffee. While it's brewing, I turn and see a box of donuts sitting on the table that someone's brought into work. I grab one, without thinking (automatic, subconscious behavior), and before I realize what just happened, it's gone. Now what?

Feelings of guilt, anger, blame, resentment . . . flood into my body. Now the self-talk; 'I hate myself. How could I? I have no control. I'll always be fat . . .'

Sound familiar?

How do we begin to change?

The first thing to do when confronted with food temptation is to pause. This snaps you out of your subconscious mind. Take a moment before you simply react, breathe deeply for a couple of breaths (no one needs to know you're doing this), and begin to ask yourself some questions. Why do I want this? Am I really hungry? Are there better, healthier choices? Do I want it simply because it's there? What are the consequences? THIS IS IMPORTANT. How will I FEEL about this later?

The most important part of becoming aware is that it gives you control over your environment. You can override negative, subconscious beliefs about yourself and your life, and become the creator of your world.

Give it a try. It takes concentration, consistency, and effort, but over time, you'll be amazed at the changes in your behavior.